Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Before There Was Lives!, or, The Son of Before There Was.

Pat: 1
Existential Crisis: 0.
I Win, 1 to Nothin'!.
I'm back with a vengeance, stay tuned...

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Sorry gang...

I just haven't had it in me lately. The TV thing was a total failure. I'll post on that the next time I get a chance. I just wanted to let my loyal...reader...know that I'm still alive. Be back tomorrow...

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Sorry it's been a while, or, Philo T. Farnsworth and his Flying Trapeze!

I've had some...issues...that I've had to deal with. Anyways, on to the show...

The T.V. Where would I be without it? A bad place, that's where. I love it. I watch it...A LOT. I probably watch it (sad statistic coming up) 4 or 5 hours a day. I think it's spectacular. Her Royal Highness, however, decided to get grounded from the tube for a week for not cleaning her room after being asked FIVE TIMES, so I decided I'd come off it, too...


1. No watching T.V. That's the big one.

2. No Youtube T.V. clips.


1. Work: If someone has it on, I'm not going to be a dick and tell them they have to change it, but I can't actively watch, either.

2. I can watch game highlights. I'm crazy, but I'm not crazy enough to think I can go without ANY cubs baseball for a week.

Check back in two days for the Day One diary and hyperlinks!

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Well, I'm turning to you, my readers...

I've done the Computer (which sucked) and the Microwave (which wasn't bad or good). I'm going to take the next few days to take 'er easy and relax in my modern world. I turn now to you, my public, for help. I want to know what to give up next! It can be common or strange, big or small. Leave a comment here suggesting a modern convenience to surrender. I'll take the best one, embrace it to my ample bosom, and ditch it for a week. I'm actually a little excited about this. It should give me an idea of what kind of person spends time here at Before There Was.
Thank you to those who take time out of their days to read my ramblings, and to those of you who have helped me via nuts and bolts (Harry), inspiration (Anesia, mon amour), or even being an asshole (but one I can tell is a little jealous I came up with what turned out to be a pretty interesting read...Ryan). Thank you to the random reader who stops by and decides to stay for a while. Without you, none of this matters. I look forward to the comments.
Your Humble Blogger,

Saturday, May 5, 2007

Microwave... Day 5.

The last day was yesterday. Sorry to my loyal...reader...for not posting on time. The Lady Friend is sick, so we had a night of movies and ice cream last night. Anyhoot, on to the last fun-filled post until Monday. I haven't quite decided what to give up yet, and I think I'm going to start leaving it a surprise until Mondays from now on. Also, no pics. My camera has officially shuffled off this mortal coil...

Things that suck(ed)...

1. Not being able to eat the foods I want in a short amount of time. As Mitch Hedberg once famously said. "I love baked potatoes, but I don't have a microwave. Sometimes I'll throw a potato in the oven even if I'm not hungry, because by the time it's done, who knows?" I definitely have a little of that going on. I got on to a big oatmeal kick, and you can forget making it on the stove (what a MESS). I've been eating Honey Nut Cheerios, which aren't bad, but still. The worst part? I don't eat breakfast, like, ever. I eat oatmeal (or cheerios, as the case was this week) at midnight or later. So I am fully conscious of the absence of oatmeal.

Things that (didn't)...

1. I didn't miss it as much as I thought I would. Unlike the computer, it is possible to live without the microwave, and do so quite easily. By the end of the week, I barely noticed it was gone. I almost slipped up when i was going to fire up some left-overs, but I was fine waiting.

P.S. If anyone likes, or hates this, or thinks it's stupid, or the coolest thing since sliced bread, leave comments! I'd love some feedback from reader(s)!

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Microwave...Day 3

Well, I was right. I'm eating cold food. It isn't so bad, though, as you'll see.

(P.S. Update...If you're looking forward to hyperlinks on my posts, they're coming. I'm doing these from work, and I can't upload pictures here as easily. Come back when I do "No Microwave...Day 5" on Friday and Day 1 and 3 should be hyperlinked to the gills...I like ellipses)*authors note: And now they are! As of 3am on Thu. May 4th...

Things that suck:

1. Grocery shopping. I hate going to the store and buying things I know I can't eat for a week. I'm not a delayed gratification kind of guy. That's why I like surprises. If I know it's coming, I piss and moan until I get it. I'm better off just not knowing about it, at least then I can sleep at night.

2. Frozen veggies. The canned ones taste like ball sweat to me. They're all mushy and gross and I refuse to eat them. The problem, however, is that I cook the frozen ones in the (drumroll please...) Microwave! The GF (thank God for the GF) has figured out that she can cook them in the skillet with a little extra virgin olive oil, salt and pepper to help out. I tell ya, it's like there's a party in my mouth, and everyone's invited!

Things that don't:

1. Remember when I said I couldn't eat Pizza Bites? Well, I'm glad. If I know I can't eat them, I don't even want to. I'm actually eating healthier since this week started. I mean, I'm generally a pretty healthy eater, but it's gone into overdrive this week. I usually fired up the 'wave when I got home from work and ate beans or something shitty (it's 3 am, I'm not usually in the mood to "cook"), but now I just have an apple or some crackers or something...

2. I really haven't missed it that much. Not as much as I did the computer or will the TV, anyway. I haven't felt like I've been missing out too terribly much. The Microwave isn't as big a deal as the computer was. It's really not a pivotal part of modern life, but it definitely makes things about 10 times easier than they could be.

Coming soon...Pictures from this week. Check Day 5 Friday!

Ball Sweat In Action:

Thanks, Youtube!

Tuesday, May 1, 2007


New week, new device. This week, it's the microwave. As any fan of the frozen burrito will tell you, the microwave is an essential piece of equipment for the 21st century man. I use the thing 3 to 6 times a day. Not for the next week, though. For the next week, I'm from the year 1945, and the microwave doesn't exist. No more pizza bites (DAMN IT! My one vice[<---lie], and I can't do it!), no refried beans, no rolling that beautiful bean footage. I guess what I am trying to say is that I can sum up the next week of posts in one sentence: I'm going to be eating a lot of cold food. Rules:

1. No microwaving food. I can eat any food I want, but if it usually gets microwaved, I'll have to find a new way to cook it.

2. Defrosting: No can do. I'll have to do it in the sink under water, like my forefathers...sort of.

3. No microwave by proxy. I can't ask anyone to microwave stuff for me.


1. Someone (the Lady Friend, co-workers, etc.) microwaves something and offers it, I probably won't turn it down...well, I'll see on that one. This one is pretty exception-free.

2. If my choice is nuke something or not eat, I'm gonna eat. I can't think of a time in my 25 years that it has EVER come down to that, though...