Microwave!

New week, new device. This week, it's the microwave. As any fan of the frozen burrito will tell you, the microwave is an essential piece of equipment for the 21st century man. I use the thing 3 to 6 times a day. Not for the next week, though. For the next week, I'm from the year 1945, and the microwave doesn't exist. No more pizza bites (DAMN IT! My one vice[<---lie], and I can't do it!), no refried beans, no rolling that beautiful bean footage. I guess what I am trying to say is that I can sum up the next week of posts in one sentence: I'm going to be eating a lot of cold food. Rules:

1. No microwaving food. I can eat any food I want, but if it usually gets microwaved, I'll have to find a new way to cook it.

2. Defrosting: No can do. I'll have to do it in the sink under water, like my forefathers...sort of.

3. No microwave by proxy. I can't ask anyone to microwave stuff for me.

Exceptions:

1. Someone (the Lady Friend, co-workers, etc.) microwaves something and offers it, I probably won't turn it down...well, I'll see on that one. This one is pretty exception-free.

2. If my choice is nuke something or not eat, I'm gonna eat. I can't think of a time in my 25 years that it has EVER come down to that, though...

A day without the Computer...

Intro:
"What do you mean you 'can't use the computer'?"

I have heard this more times than I can count over the last week. Every time someone gave me a website to look at or asked me to do something on the computer, I'd have to say "I can't." I may as well have said "I have a scorching case of herpes." I became a pariah...and yes, it sucked.

Here's what I'm gonna do. I've got three hand-written posts that I've (thanks to Tha Bomb Shelter) scanned into the ol' magic box, which I'll copy, verbatim (with any corrections in spelling and grammar that need to be made), as a post. Then I'll link to the images of the hand-written posts below. I'll post one a day for the next three days, then surrender the next convenience. Here we go...

Day 1
What Sucks...

1. Remember when I said this was going to suck? I had no idea. This sucks harder than anything has ever sucked before. It sucks so hard, it is threatening to collapse in on itself, creating a black hole from which no awesome can escape. Three words haunt me like the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future. Out of Market. I am a Cubs fan. I live in Columumumbus, Ohio. I can't watch most Cubs games because I live (all together now) Out of Market! The only thing that made this bare-able was the intrawebs. I could keep track of scores, check standings, do all that fun stuff. Now, I have to use ESPN (which takes forever)...*authors note: I meant the bottom line, the little score ticker that runs on the bottom of the screen. Back to the action...or the newspaper (Blasphemy!) to get my fix. It eats ass.

2. Fantasy Baseball. Am I winning? Fuck if I know...

3. I checked some sites pretty regularly. ESPN, SI, thabombshelter.com, postsecret, boingboing, collegehumor, etc. I was by no means internet savvy and don't need it to survive, but I miss those sites.

4. WORK. I have to do my job now. WTF is that all about? The lamest shit ever, that's what. Wanna know how lame? (of course!) I work at a hospital. Among my more entertaining duties is babysitting our psych patients for 4 hour stretches. (To tell you how entertaining, I'll give you an example. I just watched a patient with Schizoaffective Disorder eat red Jell-O. Sounds mundane, right? No. Imagine eating Jell-O. Now imagine being crazy, too!...exactly, I could sell tickets, it's that great.) They get a little (read: a lot) boring, though. Enter boredatwork.com, saving me like the Berlin Airlift. I read, I laugh, and then I get back to it. Not any more, Dagnabit.

What Doesn't Suck...

1. I'm reading a lot more. It's pretty schwiggity schwiggity schweet.

2. Colors seem...more alive...not really.

---------Scribbles-------

Slip-ups...

1. I had to check my bank statement. Something was wrong and it was too late to call.

2. I checked the OSU baseball schedule without realizing what I was doing. This is tough...


Here's the hand-written stuff, as promised...