Cubs = Poopy

Grr. Want to know what being a Cubs fan feels like? It's a little like THIS. And yet we come back, year after year. It is what it is I suppose. I can finally say this with some confidence that it might actually happen..."We'll get 'em next year."
Some telling statistics from the series...
Team batting average
CUBS... .194 (19-98)
DBACKS... .266 (25-94)

TEAM HR and RBI
CUBS... 1 6
DBACKS... 6 16

TEAM K (hitters)
CUBS... 27
DBACKS... 35 (that's right, D'Backs hitters struck out more...)

LOB
CUBS... 54
DBACKS... 50

The Cubs as a team hit .271 for the 2007 season. The D'Backs? .250
Aramis Ramirez is the perfect example. The 2007 season saw him it (.310/26HR/101RBI). He struck out 66 times (13 percent of AB's) and grounded in to 13 Double Plays (3 percent of AB's). This series? He was 0-12 with 5 K (42%) and 2 GIDP (17%). He created 14 outs in 12 AB's. I don't blame him. I think the Cubs, as a team, had a miserable three games at the worst possible time. Should Lou have pulled Zambrano in game 1? With Marmol pitching the way he did all season, you'd've done the same, and anyone who says they wouldn't is a liar.

Stay tuned gang...

I have to work Sunday and Monday, but Tuesday will bring a huge statistical anaysis of the Cubs' meltdown and the weekend that was in college football, including my top 25...Keep it real.

Here we go again...

Ohio State (-7) at Purdue
Purdue throws the ball. A LOT. Which is weird. I don't think Purdue has ever had a team that throws (up) a lot...ANYWAY...
Curtis Painter is a helluva quarterback. He has TD passes to eight different recievers and 18 overall. He is coming off a year (2006, for those of you as good at math as I am) when he threw a gazillion TD's, but 19 interceptions as well (leading all 1A). This year he only has three against football powerhouses such as Toledo (1-4), Eastern Illinois (3-2, 1AA), Central Michigan (2-3), Minnesota (1-4), and Notre Dame (0-5!). Beforetherewas contest: Without cheating, name the 4 teams the above referenced are playing just by the uniforms. Hell, get help, you probably still can't do it...
Ohio State comes fresh off a drubbing of Minnesota, and a week in which no one was arrested for soliciting a(n 80's) prostitute! Hooray!
I think the Buckeyes win this one 33-17. I HATE road games at Purdue. Purdue is THAT team for Sweatervest. Always more trouble than they are worth. Purdue keeps it close for three quarters, then depth on the lines takes over, and Ohio State runs it up in the 4th.
In other news...
Please Jeebus, give me a comeback of biblical proportions. I beg of you. I think the Cubs will take the two in Wrigley.

CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN! HOLY COW!

The Cubs clinch the NL Central with 2 games left in the 2007 season. Awesome. Looks like they'll be playing the D'Backs in the NLDS. Who does Mark Grace root for? I'll fuckin' tell you who! The Cubs...maybe.
In other news...
Ohio State (-24) at Minnesota
Ohio State rolls into Minnesota fresh off a drubbing of the Northwestern Wildcats. How did they celebrate their 58-7 victory, you ask? By sending their third-string quarterback out trollin' for whores! In his defense, this was what the prostitute looked like...I probably would have taken a run at her too. ANYWAY...
Todd (I don't pay for ass) Boeckman has shown the ability to throw the deep ball effectively and Brian (I also defer on the 'paying for ass' front) Robiske can catch a hell of a ball (3 catches, 84 yds., 3 TD's vs. NW...wow.). Minnesota's secondary looks like this (That tall girl in the back could be dangerous...she's got her "Cover 2" merit badge.), so I think we'll have the third stringers in by the...oh, wait...
Ohio State- 51
Minnesota- 17 junk points.
(P.S. Welcome Back hyperlinks!)

By the way...

The Cubs beat the Astros (who I hate) 6-2. Octogenarian Steve Trachsel went 5 "strong" innings of 7 hit, 4 K, 3 BB baseball. He was lifted in the top of the 6th for a pinch hitter (Craig Monroe, who singled). Not because he was tired, mind you, but because his colostomy bag ruptured in the dugout, creating an hilarious "Three Stooges" like slip-n-slide routine for onlookers. Derrek Lee was on the bench with a sore knee (he fouled a ball off of it on a 0-0 count, stayed in the game and had a PIVOTAL defensive play in the bottom of the 9th. What a trooper.) and is day-to-day. His replacement, Daryle Ward, went 2-4 with a homer off of his old team, and still looks like a gigantic baby. We're talking Baby Huey here. With the win, the Cubs go 1/2 game up on the idle Brewers with 16 games left to play. Hooray for us!

New stuff...

So, I have a new idea (if anyone still reads this). I'm thinking about a "desert island" kind of thing. I'll make a list of 5 ___ I would take with me were I to be stranded on a desert island, and I'll only use or watch or eat those things for a week. Whether they be CDs, movies, books, foods, whatever, I'll make the list and see how it goes. Check back tomorrow and I'll have the first list. As an aside, the last time I posted the Cubs were 34-39, WAY behind the Brewers. As i type, they are 60-57, 1 1/2 games back. Let's see how this bad boy turns out.

Before There Was...

The Cubs, I was a happy man. But alas, I have chained my cart to the most inept bunch of horses in professional sports. I have often thought of giving up. Bases loaded, nobody out, and they can't get anyone home...twice...in a week...both in the 8th inning. I don't want to say I could do a better job, but sweet baby jesus, pay me $500,000 a year to bat in JUST THOSE SITUATIONS and I bet I could get someone home. For that money, I'll lean into a pitch, crouch so I have a smaller strike zone, punch an opposing pitcher in the testicles, whatever will help. I'm just a team player like that...plus I'd love to punch a pitcher or two in the yambag. Here we go again, first pitch is at 8:05, I'll be crying myself to sleep by 11:00...

Day 3 without the computer...

Things That Still Suck...

1. No checking e-mail. There is definitely something reassuring about getting messages every day, even if they are spam...:(

2. NO SPELL CHECK! I always spell two words wrong, definitely (?) (*authors note: Hooray for me! I got it right!) and through (?) (I think I got it right there). Normally I hit the spell check button and BOOM!, problem solved. Not now...

3. My handwriting. Look at this stuff! (*authors note: see below...) What am I? 3? Handwriting analysts would just say, "He's clearly retarded," and move on to the next one.

Things That Don't...

1. It's a little cathartic, I gotta tell ya. This must be what coming off Heroin feels like. The itch is still there, but I feel it fading...

2. Not watching the Cubs lose, up to the minute...in vivid color...fucking Cubs.

Click for the hand-written post...

A day without the Computer...

Intro:
"What do you mean you 'can't use the computer'?"

I have heard this more times than I can count over the last week. Every time someone gave me a website to look at or asked me to do something on the computer, I'd have to say "I can't." I may as well have said "I have a scorching case of herpes." I became a pariah...and yes, it sucked.

Here's what I'm gonna do. I've got three hand-written posts that I've (thanks to Tha Bomb Shelter) scanned into the ol' magic box, which I'll copy, verbatim (with any corrections in spelling and grammar that need to be made), as a post. Then I'll link to the images of the hand-written posts below. I'll post one a day for the next three days, then surrender the next convenience. Here we go...

Day 1
What Sucks...

1. Remember when I said this was going to suck? I had no idea. This sucks harder than anything has ever sucked before. It sucks so hard, it is threatening to collapse in on itself, creating a black hole from which no awesome can escape. Three words haunt me like the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future. Out of Market. I am a Cubs fan. I live in Columumumbus, Ohio. I can't watch most Cubs games because I live (all together now) Out of Market! The only thing that made this bare-able was the intrawebs. I could keep track of scores, check standings, do all that fun stuff. Now, I have to use ESPN (which takes forever)...*authors note: I meant the bottom line, the little score ticker that runs on the bottom of the screen. Back to the action...or the newspaper (Blasphemy!) to get my fix. It eats ass.

2. Fantasy Baseball. Am I winning? Fuck if I know...

3. I checked some sites pretty regularly. ESPN, SI, thabombshelter.com, postsecret, boingboing, collegehumor, etc. I was by no means internet savvy and don't need it to survive, but I miss those sites.

4. WORK. I have to do my job now. WTF is that all about? The lamest shit ever, that's what. Wanna know how lame? (of course!) I work at a hospital. Among my more entertaining duties is babysitting our psych patients for 4 hour stretches. (To tell you how entertaining, I'll give you an example. I just watched a patient with Schizoaffective Disorder eat red Jell-O. Sounds mundane, right? No. Imagine eating Jell-O. Now imagine being crazy, too!...exactly, I could sell tickets, it's that great.) They get a little (read: a lot) boring, though. Enter boredatwork.com, saving me like the Berlin Airlift. I read, I laugh, and then I get back to it. Not any more, Dagnabit.

What Doesn't Suck...

1. I'm reading a lot more. It's pretty schwiggity schwiggity schweet.

2. Colors seem...more alive...not really.

---------Scribbles-------

Slip-ups...

1. I had to check my bank statement. Something was wrong and it was too late to call.

2. I checked the OSU baseball schedule without realizing what I was doing. This is tough...


Here's the hand-written stuff, as promised...